Looking back on the past few months, everything I’ve written has been about the effects of Covid-19 and lockdown. It’s all still best described as a global experiment, where most of our politicians are still guessing.
It felt that it was probably time to lighten the tone. I grew up with the songs of the great American satirist, Tom Lehrer, which still feel as fresh as when they were written. Lockdown seemed to be a good opportunity to revisit and update them, so here’s my offering based on one of his classics – My Home Town.
And for those that want the lyrics, or missed any of the words:
I really have a yen
To go out once again
To see the streets that all have been locked down
To meet once more those super-special just plain folks
In my home town.
Nobody could ignore
Our dominatrix, for
Her clients’ screams were heard through all the town.
Now no one pays to taste her whips or feel her canes
As she’s locked down.
Our local Minister of State. He told us all SELF ISOLATE,
Then drove his family
To their country house.
He took his mum and dad some lemsips and a grouse.
He didn’t take the blame,
But Dominic’s the same.
The Reverend from our church
Who left us in the lurch
When he was sent to court and then sent down.
Now all his choirboys have to practice on their own
As they’re locked down.
The hipster with the beard
Whose food we all revered
Although a nasty vegan shade of brown.
It kept us higher than the steeple on the church.
Now he’s locked down.
I remember Brad, he was our mad conspiracist
Who would insist that all he read
He used to burn down mobile phone masts, as he knew
That all those 5G waves
Would turn us into zombie slaves.
The lads who thought it cool
To take their knives to school
And skewer all the kids from out of town
On second thoughts, it feels much safer here at home
Let’s stay locked down.